I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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