THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He shit in the fireplace
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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