"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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