I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
