i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
