By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
