Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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