thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
