Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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