So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
