I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
