I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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