I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
