My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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