Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
