The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
