it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
