Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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