How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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