i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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