I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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