Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
