I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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