Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
