Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
