I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
