Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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