Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
