No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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