Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
