i jhust puked up my retainher.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
