FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
