One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
