Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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