Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
