sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
