he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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