Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
