can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
