I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
