My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
