I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
