Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
