He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
