My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
