"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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