we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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