That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
