I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
