I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
